How Do You Know?

I have had this post "written in my head" for quite some time now. After going to the doctor and facing reality, I decided to put it out there. I have always faced things with humor, mainly because Ted and I laugh about EVERYTHING.

How do you know that you’ve let yourself go? I have come up with some very definite signs that I should get my ass off the couch and start to get into shape. Back in November I wrote a post about how I thought I was becoming a before. Well all doubt has left my mind and I have accepted the fact that I am indeed a before. How do I know? Let me go over the signs.

• My yoga pants were all too tight. How can yoga pants be too tight. It was to the point that I had to take them off late afternoon and put on pajama pants (ones with elastic that was about to give).
• My socks were leaving deep dents in my legs. I take prescription water pills so I couldn’t even blame it on water retention.
• My underwear was leaving unsightly marks in my upper thighs (I won't mention the VPLs). They were “like a tourniquet”.
• I couldn’t zip or even pull on some of my pants.
• My knees would (and still) creek when I walk up stairs.
• I started to develop pronounced “batwings”. I noticed those at Disney on Ice while waving at characters with Stella.
• My “long and lean” tank tops would all roll up like I let go of a shade. They would not stay down and I had to resort to tucking them in (such a retirement village look).
• The only thing that fit me well were my Danskos.
• I finally got my boots zipped and when I took a step; my calf busted the zipper wide open in the middle.
• I found a tank top in the back of my drawer that I hadn’t worn in a really long time (I couldn’t remember the last time I actually saw it). I wore it and it fit pretty well. I discovered when I took it off that it was a maternity tank top.

And the worst realization of all…

• I noticed a FUPA starting.

After I have made all these “self discoveries” I have a physical with my doctor. He tells me, “I have good news and bad news; it all depends on how you wants to take it.” I looked at him. He continues with, “Well your weight gain isn’t from your heart failure, it’s from fat.” I just started laughing, because I knew it was true.

This was taken May 2012 I almost DIED when I saw it. Mimi was trying to convince me I just looked bloated, she's a bad liar. Sad thing is I fit in my clothes back than. BTW I am NOT pregnant!

I was sent off with a checklist of blood work that had to be done and a new appointment for a few weeks later, to discuss my weight gain; can’t wait for that appointment. I kind of took it as a challenge. I knew I wasn’t going to show up looking like I’m ready to grace the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition, but I didn’t want to go in weighing the same. Or gawd forbid more.

I started to “eat healthy”. Unfortunately that can lead to the less than civilized situations my gastro-intestinal tract has been known to cause. Can’t we all just get along? There’s no need to cause a scene.

I also try to drink more water. That leads to several trips to the bathroom. The mornings I have to take my water pills, I have come dangerously close to forcibly removing my kids from the toilet to avoid a clean up in the hallway.

When I go back to the doctor I find out that I’m a bigger hot mess than I thought and I need to get some help. My blood sugar was high (3^rd year in a row) and my cholesterol almost doubled. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!!

Off to a nutritionist I go. Now that it’s getting nicer outside I can walk more (I try to walk the kids to school as much as possible) and I have been doing some challenges. This month is an ab challenge, I’m going to work my six pack so I can put away a 12 pack.