Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The Animals are Falling!!!

 When I’m really tired and should be getting ready for bed, I start reading stories on the “interwebs”. There was one that really caught my attention last night. It was about animal tornadoes.

Having recently watched (and enjoyed) the cinematic Syfy Channel gem Sharknado, this article caught my fancy. I know it could happen, a twister could pick up a cow and “drop it off” somewhere else. But is that cow going to start chew off a farmer’s arm? I don’t think so.

The article seems to mention that these “animal tornadoes” occur with a water spout. Living in the Ocean State could this be a possibility? Who knows?

There was mention of a Frognado (happened in Serbia), all I have to say about that is EEEWWW!! I must say, when I lived out in the woods and it rained there were frogs jumping all over the street. If it was fall, half the time you didn’t know if you were driving over a leaf or a frog and the street lights were few and far between. My husband and I used to call it the Amphibious Assault. If they fell from the sky, I may need therapy.

Apparently alligators have also fallen from the sky (I think it happened in 1887). That has a Sharknado feel to it (they may have even made a movie already). That would be another couple of thousand in therapy.

But around here I think if something like that were to happen it would probably be fish (and once again the article said it has happened in Australia). I’m not sure how I would feel about fish, but I don’t think they would be swimming to the house on top of the hill in order to attack just that one house. I don’t think they would attack anyone, I think it would be the other way around. Imagine people just walking out to their front porch to go fishing.

Besides, fish don’t last all that long out of water and they don’t have legs. I think we could handle that.

This is what I think, I’m no meteorologist, and I forget my umbrella half the time.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Letter to the Neighbor's Dog

Dear Dog across the Street.

You are an asshole! There’s no nice way to say it, facts are facts. You feel the need to bark at EVERYTHING!!!

The lovely lady next door to you lets you play in her big fenced in yard with her dog. You know what, for years I didn’t realize she even had a dog until I was walking by and you almost barked yourself into a stroke and I saw her dog. You know what her dog was doing? Just standing there wagging its (sorry, I don’t know the gender of the dog) tail and looking at you acting like a fool. Her dog is nice and quiet.

You bark and lunge at my car when I drive by. I know it’s not just my car because I’ve seen you do it to other cars as well. You have frequently escaped your confines of your yard and if you happen to pass by my house on your journey, you feel the need to stop at the end of my walk and bark at my house. I know why you do it, I'm onto you.

Normally I would ignore you, but I have an 80 pound obstacle to that. Her name is Alabama. Every time you feel it’s necessary to cause a commotion over the wind blowing, you get the entire neighborhood canine population worked up.

I don’t know what the dogs in the other houses do, but in my house Alabama starts snorting and barking from window to window. When she gets all worked up, she barks her dog breath all over the place and it’s pretty nasty. Then it’s time to get on the couch. She’s been doing pretty well with staying off the white couch, but you open your trap and all bets are off. Once she’s all worked up, her hair starts falling out like Witch Hazel from Looney Toons, I don’t see you coming over to vacuum it up.

How about you do the neighborhood a favor a take it down a notch? Get some Valium or something before you bust a blood vessel.

Your Annoyed Neighbor in the White House

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Oh What a Year

Do you know what today is? It’s our Blogiversary! I can’t believe it’s been a year since I started The Kraus House Mom.

I’ve written 174 posts, for someone who HATED to write when in school, this is huge and have over 12,000 hits. I’m always surprised when I look at the stats.

I have to thank my husband for encouraging me, my kids for providing so much material and my readers, thank you!

What is on the horizon?

With all three going to school (half day for Stella at least) perhaps I’ll have more time to write. I have some ideas up my sleeve, you’ll just have to keep reading and see.

Here are some of my favorite posts from the past year. I hope you enjoyed them.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Big Day

Yesterday was a big day for the Kraus House Mom; I got to meet Scary Mommy herself, Jill Smokler. I’m not talking about going to a book signing or a conference; a few Rhody Bloggers went and had coffee with her and were able to have an actual conversation, about anything and everything we wanted.

We were sat and chatted for over an hour and a half and it was wonderful. She gave us tips, advice and insight and we couldn’t have been more grateful. What a lovely person. I am so glad I had the opportunity to meet her.
OMG!!! It's me and Scary Mommy!!!
Then as we were getting ready to leave I checked my phone to see if I had gotten any calls or messages from home. I didn’t, but my Instagram icon was there; no big deal. I looked at it, I couldn’t believe it, it was from Project Runway…THE Project Runway.

My youngest has a thing for the show and last week was acting like a class A beast. I was able to calm her down by turning on an episode that happened to be on TV. I took a picture and posted it; for shits and giggles I tagged Project Runway.
Keep Calm and Watch Project Runway
Holy shit, they saw it! I can’t believe it. Not only did they see it, but they acknowledged it. Most would think whatever. But for little ole me, it’s HUGE!

So let me just say, “My Wednesday ROCKED!!!!”

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Yum Yum Fun? Not So Much

The Snoopy Sno Cone Machine brings back such memories. Who as a kid didn’t have one; yum yum fun is what it’s all about. 
She is so excited!
Well kiss my ass Snoopy Sno Cone Machine!

What you don’t know from your childhood (or your parents didn’t let on) is that it is a giant pain in the ass.

It took me forever to get the ice shaver and the handle to lock together. For the record, I am quite adept at putting things together (I seriously considered a career in engineering). I had to call my husband in to do it before the SPCA was called for animal cruelty.

Then there’s no flavor packet in the box. It is very likely that one of the Kraus kids (I’m not mentioning which one) took it. When I received the Sno Cone Machine (yes, it is mine), the package was sealed. (I know because I wanted to check it out one night and I couldn’t get it open and was too lazy to go get a pair of scissors.) There are three sno cone hungry kids jonesing in front of me, so I improvised by melting a freeze pop.

It is successfully put together, ice inserted, we are ready for some frozen treats…not so fast. I distinctly remember the commercial and all the kids were having a grand old time making their sno cones without any adults, not possible! LIES, all LIES!!!

I don’t remember it being that difficult; it was 30 or so years ago but still. In order to keep from an inmate uprising, I need to crank out the sno cones. A frosty treat shouldn’t cause so much sweat (or sore muscles).
This is only during the first one...oh the pain!
Half way through the second one, I said, “I hope you like them because I don’t think you’re ever going to get another.” For the love of all that’s holy, am I ever going to finish?
What seems like endless cranking only yields a miniscule amounts of snow
Finally all three were made and I threw that vile dog house into the sink and stomped out of the kitchen. If they ask to use it again, I might bark at them.

Stella put using the Snoopy Sno Cone Machine on her “Summer To-Do” list, well it’s done!

My sister and I jointly had the Snoopy Sno Cone Machine, but before she was able to enjoy them I had an Ice Bird. For a long time my husband wasn't sure what I was talking about. Well, I found it! Who out there had an Ice Bird?