Wednesday, October 16, 2013

10 Reasons I Should Live in a Hotel

Chuck Bass lived in one and so did Serena for a while. Hell, Eloise lives in the Plaza so why can’t I? I’ve come up with reasons why I should live in a hotel.

1. I love fresh, clean sheets but I’m not changing them every other day. 

2. I want someone to clean for me; we know I’m not going to do it for myself.

3. My meals could be delivered right to my door, no more having to cook.

4. A gym is right in the building. I wouldn’t have to get in the car and drive (not that I go,        but maybe I would if it was right in the building).

5. They have an indoor pool so I could swim drink by the pool in any kind of weather.

6. They have 24 hour porn channels.

7. There would be a spa downstairs. If I wake up and something hurt, I could go down          and get it massaged better.

8. Security to keep out the riffraff and a bellhop to send up my stuff, I wouldn’t have to           carry anything anymore.

9. The concierge can get anything.

10. Mini-bars, it’s build it portion control.

I think I have found the one I want to live in. I may have to pack up and move into a Platinum Suite at the Mira Hotel in Hong Kong. We can all keep in touch through social media.

There’s not a snowball’s chance in Hell I would ever have the available funds to support this pipe dream (and I was kidding about #6).

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Field Trip Joy

I have been on several field trips, as a kid, as a YMCA counselor and as a teacher. A few years ago I started going as a parent; I always go on the field trips with the kids. Maizie always has a bit of indifference about everything that has to do with school, but Teddy is a completely different animal and Stella is somewhere in the middle.

He started talking about the trip as soon as I put it on the calendar, counting the days. He got off the ice Wednesday after hockey took off his helmet and said to me, “Field trip tomorrow!” I didn’t think he was going to sleep. He was up early.

He made sure we sat together on the bus, along with his new girl pal “B”.  I took a picture of Teddy and I and I was uploading it to Instagram when Teddy started telling B about my blog. She was asking me the address, and is it dot com or dot net; I told her if she did a Google search it would pop right up. She was cracking me up.
On the bus
We get to Pezza Farm and we feed the animals first. They (the animals) knew it was coming so they started hooting and hollering for their food and the goats and sheep were standing on the fence. The miniature horses were calmer, since they could reach over the fence.
Handful of feed

Teddy's wearing her

The horse's head doesn't look that miniature in this picture

Around the corner is the chickens, lots of chickens and that means chicken shit everywhere. When you walk you feel like you’re going to step on them and then of course there’s some kids yelling about being chased by a chicken or “it’s trying to eat me”. I thought the piglets were the cutest.

He is so cute

Here piggy, piggy, piggy

Onto the hayride, we all pile in and the tractor fires up. The kids get a bag of popcorn and we are off through the woods. They have some very tame decorations in the woods. When we drove past the skeleton on the ground, B shouted, “You SO have to put this in your blog.” I just looked at her, and thought she’s quite a pip.
On the hayride
We get to the cow pasture and this is where the slime happens. The kids get pieces of corn cobs and they get to feed the cows and a few horses. The cow’s tongues are repulsive. They get all over your hand, they have absolutely no tact. Come to think of it, the screaming wagon full of kids didn’t have much tact either.

Teddy kept dropping the corn and they poor cows (with their eyes on the sides of their heads) couldn’t get the tasty treats they were waiting for. So I did what I think he might have known what was coming as soon as I took his arm. I put the corn in it and held it out of the wagon and let the cow eat it from his hand. He did squeal a bit, but then said it was cool.
A regular horse

This cow's name is Bashful

After Teddy finally fed one of them

We’re off to pick pumpkins. Some of them, goodness, you would think it was a life or death decision. All the pumpkins are the same size and shape (kudos to the farm). Finally the hardest decisions of the day were made and the names were put on the pumpkins; load ‘em up.
He finally made his life altering decision (or so you'd think)
It’s time to for the class picture and to head back to school (heaven forbid Teddy miss lunch). I must say, the ride back way much quieter than the way there. Teddy had a fantastic time (I did as well).

Thank you Pezza Farm, excellent field trip as always!

Monday, October 7, 2013

10 Things I Miss About My Kids Being Little

As my kids get older they are much more independent opinionated. Along with that they feel the need to express their frustrations with each other both verbally and physically.  They are 7, 6, and 5 and am well aware it is only going to get worse. 

I have made a list of some things that I miss about them being younger.

1. I picked the outfits without arguments.
The girls still fit in the skirts 3 years later (I wish I fit into clothes from 3 years ago)

2. They got along much better.

They always gave each other kisses

3. I can put them in their playroom and they would be locked in there.

4. They couldn’t argue about what was on TV.

5. Moose A. Moose’s zippy little songs (too bad him and Zee were “fired”), this one
    was my favorite.

6. I chose the Halloween costumes.
Now it takes some hard core mind tricks to get them to be what I want

7. They were in strollers when we went shopping so no one wandered off or lagged 
    behind and I had a place to put all my stuff.
We had 2 strollers so we had plenty of room for stuff (they're holding hands)

8. No fighting over tablets, phones, or videogames.
We could lock them in there for hours, they would even fall asleep on the floor

9. They weren’t as mouthy or foot stompy.

10. They would play together without a fist fight breaking out.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Excuse Me While I Air My Grievances

Every once in a while I like to get some things off my chest.  Most of these things I have had a conversation in my head about or just talked outloud to myself. A bunch of them have to do with the grocery store, and of course TV.

I love the Cottonelle commercials when they talk about “your bum”. I think it may be the British accent saying the word bum that gets me. I noticed on the Cotonelle commercial that the lady looked pregnant; if she is and that is her first baby I don’t think she know how much she’s going to need those once she gives birth. It is going to be a shitshow.

Survivor, why can’t you just have an entire cast of new contestants? These people have been on before and have had their chance to win, let others have a chance. Or has the world finally gotten sick of watching?

I swear I don’t think Shaw’s even carries Wunderbar Bologna. It doesn’t matter what day or time I go, they are always “sold out”. One of the many reasons I HATE that store.

Why can’t American Girl have a boy doll that’s not a twin? Babies come in boys too. Stella wants a “brother” for Bitty Baby, but they only come in pairs. Sorry Stella, Lucy will have to use your brother.

Grocery stores, why can’t you restock your shelves? If something is on sale in the flyer why isn’t it on the shelf? One or two things being sold out I can understand, but seven things on my list just gets on my nerves.

Cans are not as strong as they used to be (I sound like my grandfather). Pick one up and chances are you can squeeze it and move it. Therefore, there are lots of dented cans in the grocery store. I don’t like to buy dented cans thanks to the botulism episode of Quincy I saw as a kid.

I don’t know if I’m going to be able to take The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills seriously (because I really did before) now that Joyce will be on the show. I watched Siberia this summer.

I can’t stand those commercials with those big head Rocco and Carla. If one of my “kids” had an attitude like that over what was for dinner, they could kiss my ass. You don’t like, you don’t need to eat it (or anything else until breakfast with that attitude).

My kids (one specifically) really think I’m not going to find out all the things that they do at school. Heads up, if you do something incredibly asinine, your teacher WILL call me and you WILL get into trouble. So when you ask for the 100th time, “How did you know?” Remember, I KNOW EVERYTHING!!!

Whenever I go to the grocery store looking less than wonderful every fireman in the city is shopping. But I can look like I crawled out of the seventh circle of Hell and the butchers (plural) will come over to me and ask if I need anything; they must think I came from the third circle.