Sand Hill Cove

No balls

No kites

No running

No biking

No skateboarding

No alcoholic beverages

NO FUN!!!

Sit in your chair

Walk to the water

Get wet

Walk back to your chair

Okay that’s not what the announcement really said but it had that kind of feel to it. Listening to it made me laugh, all these rules. I split my beach time between state (public) and private beaches and let me tell you, the private beach is scoring a lot higher the past couple of years (by the way, you can drink on the private beach). Today was a state beach day and because I have kids it’s almost mandatory that I go to Sand Hill Cove (it’s now called Captain Roger Wheeler, but if you’re from here you know the truth). I made sure to get there early in order to get close to the water. Everything was going just dandy, until THEY showed up. You know who THEY are, the assholes that sit too close and generally piss you off all day.

Sure you can be as loud as you want as you park your Wonder Wheeler right next to me as you try to get Max and Sara to get their sunscreen on. Then by all means put that chair right there. I only need a few inches and feel free to get sand all over my blanket. I’m sure the people on the other side of you are just as pleased with your seating decision as I am. 

Oh, you don’t like the beach and you usually go to Spring Lake, they must have a completely different set of rules and etiquette there. It must be completely acceptable to allow and watch your kids dig a hole while standing on and throwing sand on my blanket. Oh, and don’t get up while your daughter keeps kicking the two other women on the other side of you, just sit there and enjoy your day. We don’t want to “interrupt your peace”

I don’t know if it’s because I’m a teacher or if it’s just Parenting 101, empty threats don’t work. I know you’re not going to do anything about the fighting over the shovels; you’re not going to take it because you’d have to get involved and I’ve only listened to you for 45 minutes. Get up and take the fucking shovels away, problem solved! Or better yet the kid that’s being the giant pain in the ass to everyone, have him sit somewhere else. Sad thing is these were not little kids, the youngest was probably seven, old enough to know better.

Every time I go to Sand Hill I try a different spot to sit in because my old area is too far for me to pull my overloaded Wonder Wheeler and it’s not like I can get the Kraus kids to help much. So far I have not been successful, assholes all over the place. Let me tell you, the no alcohol makes the assholes a lot less tolerable and the day go by a lot slower too.