Kraus Kid One (or more) Liners

For years, before I started the blog I would post the funny things that my kids said or did on Facebook. My kids do and say some funny shit! I was going through my timeline reading my old posts and decided to post some of their gems, most of them are from Teddy. Happy Reading!

Teddy walked out of the bedroom with a clear plastic bag over his head and told Maizie, "Don't pop me, I'm a bubble" and apparently under every table we have is either Tidmouth Shed or Sodor Steam Works.

Alabama came running upstairs; Maizie quickly follows carrying a doctor bag. Alabama jumps onto my bed and tries to hide and Maizie says, "Alabama's not done with her checkup."

I bought new soap for the kitchen yesterday and just found Maizie washing her hands for the 4th time in the last hour. I said, "So you opened the new soap?" (1/4 of it is now gone), to which she replied, "I had to it's soap day." Silly me was unaware of such a holiday; I guess garbage day will be a day later too.

I went in the living room and Alabama was eating one of her new treats. I asked Maizie how Alabama got the treat. Maizie told me Alabama jumped up and got it off the shelf (and out of the bag) all by herself and did a back flip. I don't know who has more talent, the dog or Maizie.

May had her first powdered donut today and was chagrined. Upon learning that it was a powdered donut she looked down and reminded us that "Powder is not for donuts... it's for bums."

Maizie's new swear phrase...you scared the shit offa me.

Walking down to the soccer field today, Maizie was looking at her hands and she said, "My nails are a mess" she also told her coach when asked what was the matter. She scored 2 goals, too bad they were not in the right goal or during a "game"...baby steps.

Ted and the kids are sitting in a van in the driveway and Teddy is driving. He beeped the horn. Ted: Don't beep the horn. Teddy: I had to. Ted: Why? Teddy: There was an ass hole. Too much driving with Daddy.

I just had ET on and Teddy walked in and asked what I was watching. I told him it was ET and it was a great movie and mommy and daddy both saw it when they were little. He said, "So it's old?"...from a 3 year old.

Maizie found some bright pink lipstick and put it on. She came in the kitchen and said she needed to give me a kiss, I told her Teddy needed a kiss. He looked at her and said, "What kind of kiss? What's on your lips?" Maizie said it was lipstick. Teddy said he didn't need a kiss, he needs a hug.

Teddy sneezed.
Stella: EEEWWW!!
Maizie: Mommy, Teddy's sneezing. Me (walking into kitchen with tissue): I've got some tissue. Teddy: I don't need it, I've got my tongue.

Teddy was climbing up my leg trying to get into my lap. I asked him what he was doing and he said, "Getting on your nerves"...he's so smart.

Stella told us she was moving out today, we asked if she needed any help packing and where we should send the rest of her stuff. She told me she was moving in with her mom...bad news Stell, you already live with your mom.

Teddy asked for a soda and I stopped what I was doing and looked at him. He said, "Well you're just standing there"

On Diego they just said how iguanas poop out seeds so plants can grow. Stella's comment, "Cookies fill up on candy and they poop out chocolate chips".

Teddy keeps climbing on the easel and I keep telling him to get down. He did it again and I turned and gave him a dirty look and he said, "I'm a crayon".

Teddy walked by me while I was washing dishes and said he was going mountain climbing. I yelled, "Where and what are you going to climb?" He came back into the kitchen and told me not to go into the living room until he was done climbing.

I'm playing Zuma Blitz with Teddy sitting next to me watching and he says, "You say 'shit' a lot when you play this game."

Teddy had another splinter and I wouldn't have been able to remove it without the help of my 2 surgical nurses. Stella had a water bottle and squirted him when he wiggled too much and Maizie held his hands out of the way and told him, "Quit whining like a little girl!"

Teddy and the girls are getting ready to play a game, this is what I heard...We need 2 wonderful girls since you're the only girls so I guess it has to be you.

There was a cat in the driveway and there was a debate whether it was Buddy Boy or Buddy Girl (no idea what the cat's real names are...kids came up with those names). Teddy said, "Check to see if it has balls".

Teddy just told me he put his finger in his nose too far yesterday. I asked what happened and he said it hurt his finger. I asked if it hurt his nose too, apparently not.

Stella just walked in (Alabama hot on her tail) and asked if dogs like jellybeans. I told her she shouldn't give her jellybeans because she might throw up. She looked at Alabama and asked well do they like marshmallows? Apparently the dog just had some candy.

Stella is having a huge screaming fit because she can't have any pudding. Teddy just looked at me and said, "Stella's screaming really loud" Me: "I know" Teddy just yelled to her: "Hey Stella, can you cry quieter?"