They Did WHAT?

Let me think, what have my kids done that’s funny? Breathe? Seriously now, just about every three sentences that come out of their mouths make me shake my head in shock, disgust, or fear. You never know what they’re going to do or what’s going to come out of one of their mouths (one reason I don’t take Teddy to Wal-Mart often). Here’s a few of this week’s “situations”.

The girls had a bunch of their Barbie dolls all over the living room, most must have partied a bit too hard because no one was fully clothed. Teddy picked one up and was playing with the legs. Then the conversation started.

He looked at me and asked, “Could you do a split with no clothes on?”

Me: “Could you or would you?”

Teddy: “Could you?”

Me: “Yea, you could.”

Teddy: “Would you?”

Me: “There are a lot of things I wouldn’t recommend doing with no clothes on; a split is one of them.”

For a couple of weeks my kids have been fascinated by farting (nasty little beasts). They think it’s the height of comedy to sit on each other and fart on them. That’s all well and good if a fart is imminent. I tried to explain the consequence of what may happen if the game goes too far. Needless to say, one of the Kraus kids found out what happens when you force a fart.

Teddy is not the most pleasant person when he wakes up from a nap, especially when he is woken up. The other day Teddy stumbles into the living room saying he’s soooo tired. I told him too bad, but his nap window closed and it was too late to take a nap. He sat on the couch and started watching TV. I went to start dinner. I walked back into the living room and he was asleep. I woke him up and told him if he fell asleep again I was going to get the bowl out of the fridge and put it on his stomach to wake him up (there was a metal bowl full of grapes in the fridge and Teddy of course had no shirt on). I came back in the room less than 5 minutes later and he was asleep again. So I got the bowl and started touching him with the grapes. He woke up, I told him to sit up because next time it was going to be the bowl. Once again, less than 5 minutes later, he’s sleeping, so I touched the bowl to his stomach and he woke up PISSED!! He sat up, pointed a finger at me and yelled, “It's going to be tough being your age when I have to fight you!” I almost fell on the floor laughing.

I was in my room and the kids were in the living room, I heard Stella say, "Now try to pull down my pants." Not sure what was going on, I called her into the room and told her that wasn't something that ladies say. She cocked her head to the side, held one of her legs up and said, "You can't get them down because I have feeties on." I think she missed the point.

Stella is going to be a handful; I can already tell. Lately, when she gets mad at Maizie or Teddy she simply moons them. Classy little lassie!

For more laughs, head over to The Mommyhood Chronicles.