Strange Things Are Afoot at the Circle Kraus

There are so many strange things that my kids do and have done that it’s hard to explain. Over the years I have taken pictures of some of the dandies that have happened at the Kraus House, because really who is going to believe me without the photographic evidence?  

This is Lola and she passes out in Koosa bowls.

Someone had a hankering for butter

This had fallen out of the fridge, bites and all

Dolls were always asleep on the floor

Tink had a rough night

Baby Yellow Birds sleeping...SHHH!!!

Opened the fridge and found this, it was fruit salad

This housed Stella's dead moth

Doesn't everyone have a bucket of doll parts in their bathroom

Tiniest Smallest Smallest taking a nap

Dead Barbie at the bottom of the stairs

Naked Barbie workouts

Stella can make reproductive organs, want one?

Stella removes the chocolate chips

Last but not least, this creepy ass anatomically correct doll that is frequently removed from Alabama's mouth

The Trouble with 40

I turned 40 and I know there’s nothing I can do about it. Not to sound bitchy but, I have noticed that I do look better than some people I know that are younger than me. But there are just some things that happen to you once you hit 40 that really suck. I must say I noticed them starting around 35 but by my 40^th birthday, I really hit the skids.

Eyesight-Going, going, gone! I can’t see shit. I can’t read books anymore. I NEED to use my Nook and set the font on elderly, so there are only about 15 lines on the page. If a restaurant is dark, I have no idea what the menu says; and if I have my contacts in, forget it all bets are off. I even bought a pair of reading glasses from the Dollar Store. That’s it, time to train Alabama.

 

Not bad looking for the Dollar Store

Whiskers-WTF is this all about? At least I am still able to look in a mirror and seek those suckers out. I am constantly rubbing and feeling my chin. Then if I feel one, man I hope it’s not while I’m in public. Then all I can think is, “Can everyone see this monstrosity growing out of my chin?” “Do I look like Rip Van Winkle?” God forbid I look into a lighted magnified mirror. Holy shit, who the hell is that and what happened to her chin?

 

I need to get another pair and keep them in my purse for emergency removals

Memory-What was I supposed to write? I didn’t have a good short term memory to begin with, now FORGET IT!! If it’s not written down, it’s not happening. It took me 2 years to make a doctor’s appointment because I simply kept forgetting to do it. I would remember when I was in bed (not going to do me any good then).  I leave the store with only half the stuff I went for, sometimes I even forget when I go with a list. There’s a lot of “Oh shit, …” said around here.

Gas-I’ve never had the best gastro-intestinal system, but now one handful of popcorn at the movies and by the closing credits I can shoot myself out of there like you let the air out of a balloon. I’m just a diverticulitis time bomb waiting to go off. Seriously, just about everyone in my family has is and I’m just waiting for my turn.

Pulled Muscles (for no reason)-I can be sitting at the table NOT MOVING and pull a muscle. It happened during supper; I pulled the entire right side of my back. I wasn’t reaching, lifting or bending, just sitting. Every day I need to stretch my back to where I can tie my own shoes. Sometimes when I want to cross my legs I need to grab onto my pants to pull my leg over.

Oh 40, what have you done to me?

I'm Turning into My Grandparents

People usually start to turn into their parents, not me, I skipped a generation. I’m turning into my grandparents, my mom’s dad and my dad’s mom to be specific. It’s bordering on creepy and I may need an intervention.

New Rules-Nana came up with “new rules” daily. It could have been something big or it could have been something small, but everyday there was a new rule. Sometimes there was even a list of “New Rules” posted on the fridge. The thing is, they never last long that could be the reason why new ones keep coming up.

I find myself announcing “new rules” quite frequently. We could be in the car, at home, in a store it doesn’t matter. You never know when a new rule is going to happen and at that inception of that rule…follow it! Teddy even asks, "Is that a new rule?"

House Coats-I have two and I wear them. I’m not talking about bathrobes, I’m talking about step into, zip up the front house coats (one is velour, I know your jealous and the other is leopard fleece, you can stop coveting them now). Thet do have more flair than you’d see in a nursing home, but saying they’re fashion forward would definitely be pushing it.

 

I know you're jealous

Nine times out of ten I put them on after I take a shower, before I get dressed so I don’t muss up my clothes before I head out to my destination. That one out of ten I will wear the leopard one all day if it’s chilly and I’m going to wear my pajamas all day.  You can ask my mailman, he’s seen the rockin’ ensemble

Organizing My Garbage-Well, I only organize the recycling. If you knew Grampa then you would understand completely. There were five people in the house when I was a kid and we only seemed to have one garbage can/bag on trash day. I have five people now and on trash day it looks like I cleaned out my basement every week. Poor Teddy has to take 4 or 5 trips to the curb to get it all out there.

 

I got it all into a cereal box!

I find myself compacting all the cardboard recycling into one small container. It could be a cereal box, a gift bag or some other random boxed food we had that week, but I feel it necessary to try to get ALL OF THE CARDBOARD into it, most of the time I am successful. If others would stop messing with my system, Teddy would cut down on his trash trips.

 

I wrapped my rubbish in gift bags

Sayings-I told the kids to “go wash their teeth” as soon as it was out of my mouth I looked at them. Stella was the only one that caught onto what I said, and then the inquisition began. “Why did you say that?” “Don’t you mean brush your teeth?” “Do you want us to use soap? ‘Cause that would be nasty.” I went on to tell her that my grandparents had false teeth and they would wash them instead of brushing them. Which lead to another inquisition.

I also called the refrigerator the icebox, what is this the 1930s? Teddy laughed at the slip, but of course Stella wasn’t going to let that go. More questions. I’ve also slipped and called the garbage rubbish and the iron the flat.

Naps-I have to take naps. My grandmother took a nap everyday and now I do too. The naps are not a luxury, they’re a necessity (CHF will do that to you). She took a nap around the same time everyday. I tell Stella to go get the big blue pillow and she and Alabama know it's time. Stella gets on the other couch and Alabama gets on me. People joke and say I’m lucky, but truth is, it kind of sucks.

Stella enjoys our nap time, as does Alabama. We watch Criminal Minds and drift off until my phone goes off and it’s time to pick up the other two from school.

So I ask you, are you turning into your parents or your grandparents?

Time to Make the Donuts

Stella got a Cool Baker Donut Maker for Christmas and was all gung ho about making them, unfortunately I was the final victim of the stomach bug that took out every last one of us and it got me on Christmas day; so Stella had to wait a few days until I could deal with the mixing, forming, and endless questions that would go along with this donut making experience.

 

Days of asking and she finally gets to make them

I finally decided it was time to make the donuts (if she asked again I was going to lose my mind). I looked at the box, no bake. Well this just brightened my day, until I opened it and saw that I had to put EVERYTHING together. But before I could do that, I had to wash everything (definitely not one of my favorite household tasks to begin with). Much to my surprise I put it together lickety split. We’re ready to make donuts.

Seriously, all Stella had to do (I say Stella because she insisted on making them) was put water into the mix and stir. I was impressed.

 

Seriously, it was just add water

Stella insisted on doing it all herself

Then she had to load it into the donut plunger thing, once again easy. Stella squeezed the donuts into the molds and then the hard part…waiting the 15 minutes for them to set.

 

Into the fridge

Let the torture begin!

Teddy can't wait to try them

Now I have to clean this thing again? I didn’t sign up for this. The donut goo was so thick that it came out quite easily, yeah me!!

It was 15 minutes of pure torture for Stella and her hungry customers (Teddy and Maizie). When the timer went off, I knew there would be no chance of naked donuts (I tried selling them on the idea…don’t you want them right now?).

 

They're ready to be frosted

Next, onto mixing the frosting, once again just add water. I loaded it into the plunger (I didn't want frosting in the grout of the table) and Stella Van Gough got to work.

 

Frosting was just as easy

Working on her masterpieces

Viola!! Ready to eat (in one bite)

I didn’t think Teddy was going to be able to stand the wait. They finally got to eat the masterpieces, all three of them. They said they were good; I’ll take their word for it.

 

P.S. This was not sponsored in any way, this was just another adventure in the Kraus House.